I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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