just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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