my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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