should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
