i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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