She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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