apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
