Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just had sex on a roof
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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