My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
