she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
