i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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