Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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