So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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