So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
