So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
