he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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