just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
