Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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