is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We have started to decorate penises.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
