I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
