Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
