I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
