just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
