just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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