i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
