So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
