kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
