I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
how can u be prego again
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
