Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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