I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
