Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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