Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
