Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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