Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
