Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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