i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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