I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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