your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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