i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i drank out of a bidet.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
