just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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