the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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