I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
