i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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