so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
