At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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