But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
