Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
