Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
