The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
