He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
this hospital has no fireball
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
