Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
